To beard or not to beard, that is the question

Question: is it better to be a superhero or a lumberjack?

I wouldn’t normally ask, but today I’m torn. You see, I got this wicked cool present in the post from the UK this week that absolutely delighted me. The not-dinosaur-friend simply sat on the sofa reading a poem about trees while I immediately put on my cape and started running around the living room.

It's quite a flattering colour, don't you think?

It’s quite a flattering colour, don’t you think?

The thing I like most about this cape is that it’s like a cape/cloak double whammy depending on how you’re feeling that day. You could nerd it up and write computer code in your superhero cape, saving the day and proving that nerds really are the ones that the rest of the civilised world depends on. Or, when your geek fancy takes you the other way, it’s definitely warm and sturdy enough to be a cloak, enabling you to journey through treacherous mountains and suspicious tribal villages with your sorcerer’s staff, reigniting the laypeople’s belief in the true higher powers of the world, protecting them from evil and devoting your life to overcoming the villainous wizard traitors of the world who want more power than they can handle.

What I mean to say is, the cape/cloak is the perfect encapsulation of every scifi and every fantasy dream I have ever held. Plus, you know, I look super fit in it.

I was really disappointed when the NDF finished reading the poem and card and read the postscript which said “PS. put the loops over your ears!” I didn’t want to lose my superhero/magical wizard abilities, obviously, and was reluctant to give my cape over to her to try out whatever it was actually supposed to be used for.

But man oh man, I wasn’t expecting it to be quite as awesome as it was when she put it on her face. It was a beard – not a stupid rubbish one that has gaps everywhere and doesn’t blend in with your hair or cover your chin, but a seriously wicked cool fitted beard that sticks to your face and goes underneath your chin and makes sure to give you a little moustache and all.

My bud Bobby wanted a go too, and he was kind enough to let me take a photo with him.

He’s also a bit of a hottie. He doesn’t know it, but I’m his wingman, so if you give me a shout I might be able to hook you up.

Anyway, that was really fun, but do you see how I’m now really torn? Obviously I love being a scifi genius and/or fantasy hero; but on the other hand that beard is WICKED cool.

Vote?

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